Are you authentic?

One subject that Kashman seems intent on emphasizing is the importance of "authenticity". Personally, I've always found the term to be a bit cheesy. How do you judge what is authentic or not?


Kashman defines authenticity as the core of relationships around which synergy and trust grow. Still feeling a bit hokey to me but I can appreciate the whole trust grows from authenticity thing. Due to the fact that up until this point I still haven't fully grasped what authenticity is (the definition seemed pretty vague to me) I think its understandable that I might know how to go about being an authentic leader.  But wait! Do not despair. Kashman has had the foresight to give us Six Points for Authentic Interpersonal Mastery.


1. Know yourself authentically


It seems that Kashman basically means that it is important to know yourself and know yourself well. I really appreciate those that are self-aware. One thing that my college experience has helped me with is self-awareness.  Not just knowing that I am a dancer, a daughter, a girlfriend, a nanny, or a student but that I am passionate, driven, stubborn, critical, and loyal. Knowing yourself authentically means knowing whats beneath the surface, even those things that you'd prefer not to face about yourself.


"If a man does not know himself, how should he know his functions and his powers?" -Montaigne


2. Listen Authentically


How often do you find yourself listening to someone else only up until the point at which you've decided what you're going to say next? Then, instead of listening, you're busy developing your next comment, eagerly waiting to proffer your genius/wisdom/idiocy. But that's not really listening is it? Kashman says that listening authentically means putting aside all of your own "stuff" and truly listening to what another person has to say. He challenges us to go so far as to turn off our filters and biases in order to truly listen to not just the words but the emotions and underlying concerns. Easier said than done but I'm certainly ready to try.


3. Influence Authentically


Kashman's definition of an authentic influence is a bit convoluted. He touches on integrity, something that I always try to live my life with. He says that integrity means congruence between who we are and what we do. I try to live my life according to the values I claim to live by. He also says that authentic influence is about the true voice of a leader. It's about speaking with conviction. I like that.


4. Appreciate Authentically


Kashman poses the question "has anyone ever appreciated you too much?" He makes the grand claim that humans have an infinite capacity to be appreciated. This makes me think about the swim lessons I gave to a three-year-old named Evelyn last summer. At the end of each swim lesson Evelyn's mom always told me how much the family appreciated me. I distinctly remember how good it felt. I don't know if I had ever been told specifically that I was appreciated for my swim lessons before, indirectly sure, I'd received "Timmy loves you!" or "Thanks so much" but never "We really appreciate you". It inspired me. Since then, I've tried to expressly say how much I appreciate it when someone does something for me. Hopefully I'm making them feel as good and appreciated as Evelyn's mother made me feel.


5. Share stories Authentically


Basically, Kashman thinks that stories connect us, and I agree. Stories take us from detached to personal. I heard a quote once that said "you can never hate someone whose story you've heard". Knowing background and life experiences about someone makes us if not empathetic, at least sympathetic. The connection and understanding that comes from hearing stories is invaluable to a leadership position. 


6. Serve Authentically


Leadership is a continuum of service. As leaders we must move from control to service (not easy).