Are you authentic?

One subject that Kashman seems intent on emphasizing is the importance of "authenticity". Personally, I've always found the term to be a bit cheesy. How do you judge what is authentic or not?


Kashman defines authenticity as the core of relationships around which synergy and trust grow. Still feeling a bit hokey to me but I can appreciate the whole trust grows from authenticity thing. Due to the fact that up until this point I still haven't fully grasped what authenticity is (the definition seemed pretty vague to me) I think its understandable that I might know how to go about being an authentic leader.  But wait! Do not despair. Kashman has had the foresight to give us Six Points for Authentic Interpersonal Mastery.


1. Know yourself authentically


It seems that Kashman basically means that it is important to know yourself and know yourself well. I really appreciate those that are self-aware. One thing that my college experience has helped me with is self-awareness.  Not just knowing that I am a dancer, a daughter, a girlfriend, a nanny, or a student but that I am passionate, driven, stubborn, critical, and loyal. Knowing yourself authentically means knowing whats beneath the surface, even those things that you'd prefer not to face about yourself.


"If a man does not know himself, how should he know his functions and his powers?" -Montaigne


2. Listen Authentically


How often do you find yourself listening to someone else only up until the point at which you've decided what you're going to say next? Then, instead of listening, you're busy developing your next comment, eagerly waiting to proffer your genius/wisdom/idiocy. But that's not really listening is it? Kashman says that listening authentically means putting aside all of your own "stuff" and truly listening to what another person has to say. He challenges us to go so far as to turn off our filters and biases in order to truly listen to not just the words but the emotions and underlying concerns. Easier said than done but I'm certainly ready to try.


3. Influence Authentically


Kashman's definition of an authentic influence is a bit convoluted. He touches on integrity, something that I always try to live my life with. He says that integrity means congruence between who we are and what we do. I try to live my life according to the values I claim to live by. He also says that authentic influence is about the true voice of a leader. It's about speaking with conviction. I like that.


4. Appreciate Authentically


Kashman poses the question "has anyone ever appreciated you too much?" He makes the grand claim that humans have an infinite capacity to be appreciated. This makes me think about the swim lessons I gave to a three-year-old named Evelyn last summer. At the end of each swim lesson Evelyn's mom always told me how much the family appreciated me. I distinctly remember how good it felt. I don't know if I had ever been told specifically that I was appreciated for my swim lessons before, indirectly sure, I'd received "Timmy loves you!" or "Thanks so much" but never "We really appreciate you". It inspired me. Since then, I've tried to expressly say how much I appreciate it when someone does something for me. Hopefully I'm making them feel as good and appreciated as Evelyn's mother made me feel.


5. Share stories Authentically


Basically, Kashman thinks that stories connect us, and I agree. Stories take us from detached to personal. I heard a quote once that said "you can never hate someone whose story you've heard". Knowing background and life experiences about someone makes us if not empathetic, at least sympathetic. The connection and understanding that comes from hearing stories is invaluable to a leadership position. 


6. Serve Authentically


Leadership is a continuum of service. As leaders we must move from control to service (not easy). 

Character and Coping

So it is on to the next textbook for me. Introducing Kevin Cashman's Leadership from the Inside Out. I've decided to first focus on Cashman's thoughts on character and coping. 

He asks if our leadership arises from our character, aka the essence of who we are, or by by a pattern of coping, where we tend to react to circumstances to elicit an immediate result. He says that character is the "essence" of leadership and coping is what helps us get through the hard times, or what "protects" us. 

Cashman takes a look at three areas of coping versus character. 

1. Image vs. Authenticity

When we are coping we are very concerned with our image versus being authentic.  This seems to be something that even the best leaders struggle with. I know that I am no exception.  Image awareness, particularly in Southern California where image is so important, is something that I struggle with in almost every leadership situation.  I always battle doing what is right versus doing what will make me look good or what will please the most people and in turn make me look good.  The ideal situation is when I can have both, but its not always so easy to balance the two. 

2. Safety, Security, and Comfort vs. Purpose

Cashman says that staying safe can sometimes keep us from experiencing new things and recognizing possibilities. This is definitely something that I struggle with as a leader. I've never been much of a risk taker. I'm generally a follow the rules kind of girl. I like to have a nice cushion already in place in case I fall hard from the jump. I'm all about creating as safe of an atmosphere as possible before committing to a maneuver that I consider risky.  Call me conservative. 

I've always seen this as a sign of good leadership but Cashman says that this is not always true. Sometimes we as leaders become too attached to our need for safety and it ends up holding us back from exploring new experiences and possibilities. Innovation and creativity can sometimes have a hard time surfacing amongst restrictions and tedious planning that comes with creating a secure place for decision making. 

3. Control vs. Openness

This one certainly speaks straight to me. Although it has taken me years to accept this about myself I can now openly admit that I am a bit of a control freak, and by a bit I mean a lot. I am oftentimes a perfectionist, particularly when it comes to achieving a clearly defined goal, such as turning in a group project. It kills me to turn in anything that I consider to be subpar.  If there are remaining mistakes, pieces that could have been enhanced with added effort or time, or simply average work I will go back and adjust. I sound terrible, I realize this, I'm working on it. I'm more than happy to turn over a project if I feel that the person I am turning it over to can do it better than me. I'm all about having the best product possible, even if that means someone else does it.  But it takes a lot for me to trust others to do the work with their full effort, as much effort as I would put into it.  I joke with my friends that one of the highest compliments I can pay them is to tell them that I would hire them. 

Trust me, I realize the pitfalls of being a control freak.  People get annoyed with me. I get annoyed with me. Its stressful and frustrating to try and micromanage people. I don't like it and they don't like it. Within the past years this has been a part of me that I've really tried to work on.  It wasn't until I got involved with the leadership minor at USD that I was forced to take a good hard look at the way I lead and to adjust accordingly.  Recently, I had a group project where I challenged myself to delegate and then let go.  I did. It was somewhat of a disaster but I have to remind myself that it was second semester seniors that I was dealing with.